Give me liberty, and make my sould cry out

Confusing title ehh? lol.

Though the subject I'm writing on isn't so confusing and not funny, i figured it all couldn't be depressing.

I kinda feel like a stranger in my own skin. I feel as if i am losing touch with myself, becoming someone i am not on the inside. I feel lost in the mix of everything thats happened in the past month, but I know, I have found much more than I could ask for, not only did i find someone i can call one of my best friends, but I found my soulmate, and though i cannot call him mine anymore, i still feel him watching over me, i feel as if he would never leave my side even through the toughest times. I hate goodbyes, because I know this is not the end, it's only the beginning of a new chapter for us both. I am there for him when and if he needs me no matter what. I know that there is a future for us some way, but it's been foggy lately. I still love him, but i know that right now we are on different paths. I wish for him the best in all aspects of life, most importantly i wish him love and luck in the matter. If we both move on from that part of ourselves, then that is the path we have set before us, and if not...then i know someday soon...we can do this the right way, the way i used to dream about how he and I would be, but only time will tell they say. I know, deep down in my heart and soul, that he, Arron Stricklin, and i have gained so much more from this brief experience, and I know that one day, we will both be old in rocking chairs next to each other talking about the old days :)

<3 

Put in a bubble and ...well you know the rest

Theres this thing i feel. It's not important to a lot of people. In fact it's not all that important to anyone but me. It's a crazy dream, that will never be fulfilled, but it's all i have to get me through the day, it is the only thing I have that drives me through this shit i call a life. I will leave this place soon, I'm not yet sure I mean just physically because I feel like I'm dying. I feel like, i am killing myself. I fear for people getting too close lately for this reason, I fear that one day i will wake up and end it...just drive off a bridge one day, theres a point where you can't feel the pain anymore...physically i mean...I reached that point a few days ago. I didn't cut myself intentionally...I was making dinner, and I cut my hand open and I just watched it bleed and realized i couldn't feel it anymore. I have finally hit a point where I feel my heart becoming cold.

It's starting to not hurt me when I hurt people, and that alone kills me a little. I'm starting to feel as if I'm becoming the people I hate the most....

I'm back, lol

Wow i have not wrote on here in...almost a year. Lots of things have changed but thats how things go anyway. I'm not going to write about shit that went on since I last wrote...its a waste of time.

I've been thinking a lot about love...and emotions...and how slightly crazy I get sometimes in that situation lol. Like Make snap decisions and what not. I need to learn that i need to think more...I was so scared yesterday...scared that I pushed away the one thing I can count on to make me happy...to make me smile...the one person that i cant live with out. I was scared that I let my future go. Its a feeling I never hope I have to feel again...I know that may sound like I'm jumping to conclusions...but...I keep seeing more of my future with this person, scary as that seems, I see...a life with this person at my side. I love him...I can honestly say that no MAN has ever made me this happy, someone that will fight for me no matter what, someone I feel so comfortable with. Aaron Stricklin in my lover boy, : p lol. He is my boyfriend and my heart, and he could not be more of a amazing, wonderful, loving, honest, intelligent, attractive man....

That is all...

:)

<3